i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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