I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
