Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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