I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
