Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
