I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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