i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
