phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
