nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
