Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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