38 yer olds are good kisserssss
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
