ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
