READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
