i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
