your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
