Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
