Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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