your room smells of hookers.
And success
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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