too bad you live with your parents still
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
