Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
