oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
