Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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