BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
