He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
