holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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