The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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