I think my fart just growled at me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
