you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize