so that wasnt chicken after all
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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