id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
