i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
