when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Randomize
