how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
