Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
