I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
