it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
