and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you bring me the toilet please
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You've changed since you got that strap on
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