Your tits are I can't wait for
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
