It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
