Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
