Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
