Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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