The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
