haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
