The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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