Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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