I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
