Even water is tasting like jack daniels
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
