i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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