If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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