2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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