That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
