i just made my gag reflex go away.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
