Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
