chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
