I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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