Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
