Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
