I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
