Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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