Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
