please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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