Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
