The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
