whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
