Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
