Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
