I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
