Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
