thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
