Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love having hate sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
