the condom got lost in my hair
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
