I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dick very happy bro
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
