if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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