I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
