we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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