dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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